i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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