dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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