Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i already hear my dad disowning me
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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