Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
even my farts smell like vagina
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
