Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
