is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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