I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
