Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I party with great urgency now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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