Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
A+ Viking dick
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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