You're my little dorito
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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