you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wish my penis had a tongue
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
