girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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