I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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