Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize