its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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