We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
