fuck your aforementioned shoe
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
