Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
