dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
