I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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