Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
