Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
