literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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