He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I think I just sharted jello shots
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
