you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
