i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
