you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize