I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
