we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
