Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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