am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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