All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think a kid would responsible me up
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Vodka?
Forever.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
