i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
