Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
