god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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