Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
