i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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