as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
