it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
