a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize