Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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