Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
