Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
worst night to have a conscience
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
