I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
