The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
is wine microwaveable?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
