SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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