did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
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