saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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