Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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