Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
