That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
