Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
