so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
