I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
