Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
