God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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