My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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