he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
be right there i have to get my cape
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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