Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
