we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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