Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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