so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
