just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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