I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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