Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
