That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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