Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
