Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize