Umm I'm too high to move.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize