He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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