Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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