Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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