I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
