am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
