Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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