he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
