he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just googled if crying burns calories
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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