if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
