I think scott just propositioned me for sex
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
