i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
