I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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