btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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