i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
