meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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