I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
