Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
