i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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