Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
