remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
someone owes me an orgasm
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
