and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
