Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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