do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize