That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize