Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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