I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
