I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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