Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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