this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
