bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
