so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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