How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
