this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize