her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
