This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
