He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
