wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
foreskin is a definite game changer
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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