Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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