I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
